4/27/12

Nighttime Musings
By Juliette Mann


It wasn’t until last night that I realized
I’m tired of silence.
We tore this apart,
Or at least wore it down until it was full of holes.
And so I look at you and fall through the holes that
Expectations left in my heart
We had hope, hope that kept us going
Hope like that could keep you alive.
So it makes sense that now I want to die.
You’re hope gave me ground to stand on
Now I can’t walk without stumbling.
We had this floating thing inside us,
A cloud to float on,
A fog to hide our insecurities.
All that trust,
You burned it away.
But love, you’re not my sun.
Our fog only kept out my darkness.
I’m lost.
Speaking to you,
Loving you,
Only darkness drips from my lips;
Each searching word masked in resignation.
How can you be so sure in yourself,
Why can’t you be sure of me?
I’m tired of masking my darkness in fog,
Our holes want light.
But our love has worn out its welcome,
Our words go in circles around the truth of loss.
What are we still circling for?
Is our love some dead thing, being torn apart
By strangers who only crave its warmth?
To build it up anew welcomes failure,
For we have nothing to build it on.
Our ground has holes of disappointments
And resentment.
I’m wandering,
I can’t find you, love.
Your light is hard enough to see in all this darkness,
Why do you try to hide it?
It’s no coincidence that we love in the secret dark.
Our love needs your light.
I need your light.
And I’m not going to hide my yearning.
I don’t mean to say too much
But, love, you’re my only.
Even in this darkness,
Your thoughts give me courage.
I’ve got something to fight for.
Take your light and burn up this fog,
Or I’ll do it for you.
I’m standing outside your window
And I swear I’m burning brighter than that moon.
I’m not giving up, love,
Because I know that inside your light is a darkness
And it matches mine exactly.


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