3/16/12

Domestic Persuasion
By John Laneri


A few minutes ago, Jane asked me to take out the garbage.

While I normally don't mind doing odd jobs around the house, her request puts me in the awkward position of trying to decide if getting out of my chair and sacrificing Monday Night Football is worth not putting her on hold.

As I see it, the problem is two fold. First off, if I refuse her and wait until the game is over, I run the risk of having her pout for a couple of days, thus making my life miserable. But – and this is important – if I remain in my chair and simply ignore her, I can watch the end of a great football game and continue to enjoy the best of two worlds – all from my favorite chair.

After some forty years of marriage, I'm still not sure how to proceed.

“Did you hear me?” she again calls from the kitchen. “You need to take out the garbage. I'd like to finish cleaning the kitchen.”

“I will… I will,” I reply, as my attention turns to an out of bounds pass. “It’s the fourth quarter with only two minutes to go.”

“Who’s playing?” she asks, when she finally comes into the room to check on me.

“The Cowboys and Houston.”

She settles onto the arm of my chair and lets her leg lap over mine, the warmth of her touch as always a pleasurable experience. “If you take out the garbage during the commercial, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Smiling, I look away from the television and turn to her. “Are you’re trying to proposition me?”

“Consider it another aspect of domestic persuasion,” she replies, as she comes to her feet and starts away. “It might be more fun than a frying pan to the head. Some women have been known to get aggressive with lazy husbands.”

I follow her into the kitchen. “I’m not lazy... just relaxed. But, you’re asking me to make a major sacrifice just to keep the kitchen tidy. I could be a witness to football history.”

“You’ll only miss a few seconds of the commercial.”

She did have a point, so with the game at 13-13 and the Cowboys on Houston's twenty, I quickly bundle the garbage and speed out the door toward the garbage bin.

On returning to the house, I find her sitting comfortably in my chair in front of the television with her feet propped on the coffee table. In one hand, she's holding the phone and talking to our daughter. With the other, she is using the remote to surf the channels, her manner oblivious to my needs.

“Get the game back,” I whisper. “I don’t want to miss the last two minutes. It’s always the best part.”

She nods in my direction and returns to scanning the channels.

“Yes dear,” she says into the phone, ignoring me. “I have it on the television now… No dear, I don’t think babies should be spanked.”

Some ten minutes later, after listening to a motherly conversation, I take the remote from her hand and quickly return to my program only to witness the closing commentary of a game in which Houston had intercepted a pass and won in the last few seconds.

“I’m sorry you missed the final minutes.” she says finally, as she sets the phone aside. “But, our daughter insisted that we talk about her favorite television program. She’s concerned about raising children properly. You know how important that is.”

I wearily agree, fully aware of the sacrifices we make for family. That is, until I remember her proposition.

She glances at the smile on my face. “I know why you're grinning.” she says, as she starts for the bedroom. “I'll be waiting, so stay and watch the end of your game. I recorded it while you were taking out the garbage.”

I shake my head in wonder, knowing that whatever inconveniences we experience in behalf of the other, they're ultimately rewarded in many different ways.


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John is a native born Texan living near Houston. His writing focuses on short stories and flash. Publications to his credit can be found on the internet and in several print edition periodicals.