1/28/12

Remember When
By Cara-Leigh Shepherd


Your words trail off into the breeze
And your laugh dances over the juvenile waves of our river.
I know you’re staring at the back of my head
Wishing to stroke your hard, callused fingers through the strands of my half clean hair.
While I carefully part the blades of summer grass exploring the world of insects hidden between the roots of your lawn, I know.
I know you’re admiring the light glancing off the earring peeking out the top of my ear you love to kiss.

Nothing could be wrong today. No one could disrupt our serenity.

Your birthday. You’re twenty today.
Today is the first day that I discover the taste of your skin.
The day I trace the lines of your smile and you show me what butterfly kisses feel like.

Our lips never meet. They never have. That’s going to happen in another six months on your bedroom floor. It’s going to be wonderful. But today, today we study each others' heartbeats and find hidden freckles. Every sensation is magnified today. Your voice is richer,
your eyes are deeper,
your skin is softer,
your smile is fuller,
your hands are stronger, and your smell is earthier.

Today you made me laugh. You told me that you were certain that lips and nipples were made of the same ‘stuff’. I believed you. Six months later you proved it.

Today you told me you didn’t love the name Hannah. I was devastated. That meant we would never have the little Hannah with messy hair and grubby feet I’d dreamed of.
But it's okay, because we could have a Josie with a spotty nose and a laugh like rain. Or an Erin who loved wearing mommy's high heels and climbing trees. But I’ll miss Hannah.

I do miss Hannah. I miss you more. Nothing was wrong that day; your beautiful birthday; the day you became my favorite. It was yesterday. Yesterday you were gone.

My senses can never be sharp enough to detect your voice, feel your skin, smell your breath. Sometime I wish memories faded easier. Because yesterday was two years ago. You wouldn’t recognize my heartbeat anymore. It can’t seem to skip anymore. It limps.

My beloved, I miss you, say my name.


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I am a 21 year old English major from Cape Town, South Africa. My cheeks go red without asking and my brain has more questions than answers. My heart needs a leash but not as much as my tongue.