9/29/11

Julie and Mr Henderson
By Edoardo Albert


"Yes?"

Mr Henderson looked up from his desk to see Julie carefully closing the door to his office. He took off his glasses and placed them by his keyboard.

Turning back to her boss, Julie saw the spectacles, glinting squarely on the desk, their lenses throwing the light as if they were a pair of detachable eyes. She tried to speak but her mouth gaped and nothing came out.

"Julie, I can see you have something you want to tell me," said Mr Henderson. "I suggest you get it off your che..." Mr Henderson's eyes strayed downward, then jerked back up to Julie's face as he remembered the fate of other civil service managers who had spoken inappropriately. "Er, why don't you just tell me what's eating you?"

No sooner were the words said than, unseen by Julie, Mr Henderson kicked himself. He'd only gone from a level 2 violation – improper sexual reference – to a level 5 – explicit sexual proposition by senior manager to junior member of staff.

Luckily, Julie seemed not to have noticed.

"M-Mr Henderson. I-I have something to say to you."

Mr Henderson sat back in his chair, waited.

Julie gaped some more.

"Yes?"

"I-I-I love you and I want to marry you and have your babies," Julie finished off in a rush. The words themselves were spoken to a spot on the wall behind Mr Henderson, but as soon as she'd said the phrase she'd rehearsed so many times – well, the bit about babies was an unexpected addition – she fixed her gaze upon her boss.

Mr Henderson smiled.

"I am married, Julie," he began.

"Oh," said Julie, "I didn't know."

"To a Martian," he added.

Julie did a double take. "A Martian?"

Mr Henderson nodded. "Yep."

"So, so that's all right then. The more the merrier for Martians, right?"

"For most, yes. Sadly, being of the Solemna fraternity, my wife is strictly monogamous. So I must, unfortunately, decline your kind offer of marriage."

Julie opened her mouth, closed it again, went pink, purple and green, said, "Well, that's it then," and turned for the door.

"Babies, on the other hand..."

Julie – and, later, she was most proud of herself for this – didn't even turn round.

"I'm not that sort of girl, Mr Henderson," she said.

It was only then that she looked – her best side too. Mr Henderson was staring at her with the baffled expression of a spoilt child unexpectedly refused a treat.

Julie tapped her nose. "What was it, Mr H? A level 2 and a level 5 infraction in the course of one conversation? I'll keep mum if you will."

Now it was Mr Henderson's turn to colour: shifting bands of yellow and green.

"Good day, Mr H," said Julie.

She closed the door after her but, as she walked away down the office, she knew he was watching her and she knew she looked great. She didn't look back.


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Edoardo Albert is a writer and editor, born and based in London. He's had stories published in Daily Science Fiction and On The Premises, and other places too! To find out where, go to www.edoardoalbert.com.