9/17/11

In the Headlights
By Hayley Graham


The headlights of her car illuminate the black pavement outside the boy’s house. The fog shrouds much of the road, and she slowly pulls up close to the curb. She only has her left hand to guide the car to a stop—the beautiful boy sitting next to her is clutching her right one closely. He releases his grip so that she can put the car in park and turn on the parking brake (one of the girl’s many quirky habits). Their eyes meet as they both reach for their doors, clicking the handle twice and forcing themselves out of the vehicle. This is the last time he will get out of her car—a car with so many memories and love enclosed in its silver metal shell. After all, this was the car that brought the two of them together, had he not driven it the night of the party so long ago they may never have realized how perfect they were for each other. The doors slam shut, and instantly they are caught in the embrace of a lifetime. He holds her as close as he can, promising her that it will all be okay as tears flow out of her blue eyes. She has been a wreck all night, oscillating between quiet tears and body-wrenching sobs—the emptiness of her departure slowly creeping up on her, a ghostly shadow coming to destroy the perfect sunny day of her love for him. She pushes away briefly to see his face, and to tell him, once again, how amazing he is. The words come out choked up, their beauty masked by the hideous sounds of desperate emotion in her voice. They kiss, they hug, they tell each other how special they are, how much they love each other, but its not enough—it is never enough. Enough would be to lie in his arms for the rest of forever, to abandon all else in life but their love for one another, to escape the reality of responsibility and logic. They are sensible people though, and realize the limitations of the world. They cannot be together after tonight; they won’t even be in the same time zone, it simply makes no sense. Despite the voice in the back of their heads saying, “it can work, just try” they fight on the side of rationality. Her heart is broken into a thousand pieces, the pain is unbearable—how could she be leaving tomorrow? Two months and one week is all it took for her to reach this point. Two months and one week of perfection, the happiest, most unforgettable time of her life, and now it is all over. She doesn’t want to let go, they lean against the car, still hugging, holding each other closer than ever before—bracing themselves for the tidal waves of pain that crash over their bodies. She remembers her letter for him, tucked safely in the backseat, as she retrieves it a whole new layer of reality hits her, making the situation even harder than it was before. Returning to his arms for a final goodbye she feels the throbbing of a wound deep inside her chest, the emptiness is simply unreal. As they slowly move apart, their hands linger, a touch lasting for that final second before the physical contact is lost. “Goodbye”, he says—the absolute end of her world, without him there is simply no reason to be happy. He makes his way down his driveway, partially disappearing in the darkness as he approaches the rear of his house, she puts the car in drive and swings around, stopping to watch him walk away for the final time. This is the end; she sobs uncontrollably for the entire drive home, her small body shaking with raw emotion. Thirty-six hours later she is sitting on the airplane, almost in Australia, and still crying. The tears simply will not stop, and she has lost all hope of preventing them from trailing down her cheeks for the rest of her life. She is convinced she will never be happy ever again; there is just no way for her to make it back from the devastation of leaving him, the love of her life.


- - -
Hayley Graham lives in Australia with her family during the summers and spends the school year at college in New Orleans. She is currently in a long distance relationship with the boy from the story-who lives in New Jersey. To take her mind off of the miles between then Hayley sips piping hot tea and writes down the most memorable experiences they shared.