5/14/11

To You
By Nora Wilson


Dear Boy,
So there you are. Grinning that understated smile of yours, sitting next to me in the car looking more beautiful than ever. We’re just driving around, looking at houses and exploring on a beautiful day, and I haven’t stopped smiling I’m so lucky to have landed a guy like you. You put up with so much. I constantly panic about nothing. I create problems that aren’t there in order to make things exciting. I don’t do it intentionally, I just have a tendency to sabotage relationships. I really don’t deserve you. I enjoy it when other boys flirt with me. It never used to happen. Boys didn’t used to like me. I was quiet. I was the goody goody. I was the studious one. And then all of a sudden I found who I was and got confident. So, I’m really eating it up not because I want to be with them, but because I’m still not used to the attention even four years after it started to be given to me. And now, being with you…you have shown me, taught me, what it’s like to be in love.
Feeling your weight on my body and your hands all over me is all it takes for me to forget the world. I constantly put up walls and hide my emotions and say mean things because I expect for the relationship to go badly anyways. Don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoy everything about us. Every sweet word you whisper in my ear, every time your finger traces lines on my arm, every time you breathe that soft breath of yours into my hair. I love it. I love you. I have such a hard time saying it. Not because I don’t think it all the time, just because it’s scary. What if something changes? What if something gets weird. I like us where we are. But here it is in black and white-I love you. I love you so much it scares me. I’m terrified that something will happen some day and it’ll be my fault, or you’ll finally realize you could find a girl far less complicated than me, or something else that typically goes wrong when I’m with a guy. I have issues, and I’m the first to admit it. I’ve got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain’t one. Or something like that.
You have given me everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy. Perfect for me, no one else. You bug the hell out of me sometimes. I hate that you have issues planning stuff(even when it doesn’t involve me), and I don’t like how messy your room is. I don’t like that you can not clean up after someone else so your kitchen smells like weeks of forgotten food. I dislike the way you don’t shave every day so your shadow scratches my cheek. I’m not a fan of your jealousy. You know that for sure. But I’m so in love with you. I feel like I’m living in the three minuets after two people get together in a romantic comedy. It’s a montage of happy and it’s weird. Today, when you told me that I’m worth everything, it made me shine inside and out. That’s never happened to me; at least not in a healthy relationship. I don’t do this. I break hearts. Get mine broken. And yet I’m fine being with you. More than fine. You’re showing me what’s been missing. You’re my piece of sky puzzle that got lost under the couch and I finally found it after I had forgotten about the puzzle all together. We are so imperfect that we fit together perfectly. So there-everything I’ve never been able to say, I’m finally saying.

Sincerely,
The complicated, twisted, pain in the ass girl you love-for some odd reason.


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I’m really bad at saying what I mean, but I’m pretty good at writing it. Sometimes. I have a sassy horse that is my everything, and I like being in the sunshine. And puppies.