4/8/11

My Love For You
By Sadie Clarke


November 2009
Explaining my relationship with you is like explaining how the winter makes me feel, and how bad I REALLY long for summer. Explaining my relationship with you is like explaining my true passion for writing.

You are like the calm before the storm.



December 2009

You know me better than I know myself, which is so annoying. And then I feel like you don’t get me at all, but then I feel like you do, and I have no other choice but to let you. There is never any moments when I am embarrassed for you, like I get embarrassed for every other person.

You are up to my high standards.

But I can’t read you, sometimes I think, you think I can, and it scares the crap out of you, but just so you know, I can’t. I wish I could, but then maybe you would be so much less interesting,

or maybe you will break my heart harder than you already do.



January 2010

I think we are soul mates, but sometimes I don’t feel the passion. Maybe I like the idea of us, more than I like us. I just long for us to be soul mates.

No one thinks you are as great as I say you are, but I cannot get over you. Ever. And it’s not like I picture you touching other girls and get mad, it’s like I picture you talking to them the way you talk to me, and the feeling I get is weird. Not jealous weird, although you make me more jealous than I have ever felt in my life, but weird, like my stomach hurts, or I am too uncomfortable to talk, or when I get so frustrated I cry.

You do all these things to me. I don’t know if that is good or bad.


You are just so at ease and I am always high strung, always high maintenance and always needing to talk, you can hold my hand and lay in silence, you can kiss me, but I just want to smile, because I love you.



February 2010

I feel like I don’t know, the more we don’t talk the harder I feel it. I feel like maybe you are scared to commit to me, or maybe, scared that people will think you are weak, or maybe you don’t trust me, or maybe, just maybe, you don’t want me at all, but I think you do.


I feel like I don’t know you, when we are alone, it’s just like were trying, but at the same time I am normally always scared of trying, but with you I want to keep trying everyday.



March 2010

I swear that if you asked me to marry you and move to be with you, right now, I think I would say yes, and it would be hard and maybe a little awkward at first, but I would try, and I would show you how much I love you. It’s weird. The fortuneteller said you were my soul mate, did I let that get to my head? Or are we soul mates, just not right now, or did the army mess with your head.

These are the things I think about when I think about you.


I could write a book on how I feel for you, and about us, and how much I want to be with you. I feel crazy almost, but I can’t help it. I miss you so much, I just want to squeeze you so hard.


You came to visit. You surprised me by staying with my every night. Even alone with you I never feel pressure and I never feel weird. You call me out when I get nervous, which I do a lot with you. I just wait for you and then I’m yours. It is so annoying; I don’t know how I could be more confused after this. You stayed every night in my bed, you held me, in the morning, you laughed with me and smiled with me.


I feel like you are my first crush. Maybe you are.



April 2010

You are the only guy who makes me nervous, the only one. You’re the only one who I analyze over and over again; to make sure what I said made sense. It isn’t easy with you, but then again, it is so easy. I have never experienced this feeling of tenseness, but then I haven’t ever felt so at ease. You make me nervous but then you make me calm.


I always said I would move out there or marry you on the spot, the fact that I’m considering it…is really strange. For you, only you. And then not to mention the reason why I’m considering “no,” is because I don’t think you are sure. Call me now, say, “I love you times one hundred, please be my girlfriend.” I will meet your parents now. Right now. And I will do my best to charm them, for you.

Make things easier. Tell me it was always me.



May 2010

So I have been sitting here all day thinking about it, thinking about you. And what would happen if I waited. If I should wait for you even though you are leaving, if I should go with the flow and stop over analyzing everything you say or mainly don’t say.

But I figured it out. I did. I have put everything into this, everything, I have tried so hard, and if you stop, if you decide that you don’t want to do this and I let you go and I make myself get over you, then I will be happy. Maybe not right off, but eventually I will be. And I will not regret ANYTHING, I will not think about the things I said or could have said differently like I do with everyone else, and every past relationship. Because “I never told you,” does not apply, I DID. I told you everything I needed to say a million times and I know you know that. So I win, in any situation even if you make me look like a damned fool. I will come out on top. I just know it. So I will go with it, I will stop over analyzing. I will not care, but I will. I will go with you wanting to wait. And I will try to be happy about it. And in the end if I get screwed over, I win. In the end, in the very end, I will still be the winner. And I will take it all. And you, and you, will have to live with regrets. Which I hope you don’t, I hope we end up together, and I’m not saying that I don’t ever want you to be happy, but I am just saying I will have no regrets when it comes to you.



June 2010

Sometimes you are a breath of fresh air, normally, but when I’m not with you, you are holding me down. And its hard fighting for something alone, I think you threw your hands up, I think you gave up.


But its like the butterfly effect, like one flutter and everything changes. That’s what it is like with people. People come in and out of your life, sometimes they hurt you, really, really bad, and sometimes you hurt them, sometimes they stay for a long time, or only a little, but they all change you, everyone you meet makes you, who you are in a way. So thank you, thank you a lot, you did change me.



July 2010

So I will tell myself that my time with you was great and I will not regret it. I don’t look like an idiot. Maybe to the outside world. But not between you and I. Thanks for teaching me how to love again and open myself up again. And I will continue to do so, but not with you. Your world can change so fast, things that you were so sure of can vanish and I know that all good things come to an end, but so do bad things. And sometimes, sometimes, good things fall apart so great things can come together.


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My name is Sadie Clarke, I am in college for journalism. I was born in Hawaii and I have a dog named Mowgli.