7/24/10

Unsent Letter to an Ex
Ashley Shaw


Matt-

Hey, so

I was walking today and

spring is spiraling in

green everything

it was mid-afternoon

maybe around 1-ish

I saw this man

playing Frisbee

with his dog

and remembered the day

we

took Ozzy straining against his leash

barking at the squirrels

down to that field

near your

old house in

Somerton

it was all

sunshine

yellow lemonade

sweet and sour

sunshine

we threw the AEROBIE for hours

and collapsed

on the springy

grass in

a fit of giggles

you held my hand

and

it was good

but I'm getting off track

that man and his dog weren't important


what I meant to say was

at 2:30 this afternoon

I ran into Chris Moore

at Home Depot

he's an air condition repairman now

he just bought a house

in case you were wondering

(aren't we all getting so old?)

I remembered that time you threw a party

back in high school

when your parents were gone

it was around the time

when I still

hated your friends

(but before I liked them more than you)

Chris came with his reassuring red hair and constant chatter

I started to feel comfortable

so you snuck into

your parents liquor cabinet

and made me

an apple martini

I spent the evening

pretending to be an artist

drawing a Celtic Cross on Chris' arm

the red pen exploded

and made a mess

all over your

mother's brand new purposely distressed

dining room table

she was so angry

lecturing in that haughty high-pitched

I'm-so-much-better-than-you

because-I-come-from-money

kind of tone

threatening to take your

car away

even though

we tried to clean it up

but you

held my hand

and it was good


there I go

getting off track again

it's just these memories have been attacking me

but I don't miss you

because

I keep remembering that night

I stayed at your house

and I got the phone call from my mom

telling me that my dad had died

I stared vacantly at the TV

clinging to each episode of Futurama

wishing my life

hadn't just changed

forever

you couldn't stay awake with me

couldn't calm or assure me

because

you had work the next morning

and absolutely could not take the day off

and I remember

every weekend

you partied with your friends

while I stayed home and cried

because I was so desperately afraid of becoming

an alcoholic like my father

(I still worry sometimes

but anyway...)

you wouldn't hold my hand anymore

you wouldn't understand

you told me you only loved me

70% of the time

(and the rest of the time you hated me)

it wasn't good anymore

but none of this is important


the real reason

behind this letter is

around 6:30 pm

I was stumbling on the Internet

and found an article telling me that

Eoin Colfer is writing

the next installment

in the Hitchhiker's Guide series

I don't know who he is

but he's not Douglas Adams

so I think it's going to ruin

everything

I just thought I should

let you know

since you're getting that “Don't Panic!” tattoo

on your back

anyway

sorry about

bringing up

all of the

pointless nostalgia

I am

much happier without you

hope the cats

and the

new girlfriend

are doing well

-Ashley


- - -
I am a twenty-one year old student at Arcadia University. I have many strange phobias (including peanut-butter), but writing is not one of them. So this is one of my first attempts to get my work published. Thank you for any and all consideration.