6/24/10

Illusion Doubts
By Walter K. Richards


“What is wrong with me?” I ask, chin in my hand. She looks back at me, gives the barest quirk of her lips.

“I told you it was going too fast.” She picks up her cup, looks inside, doesn’t take a drink. “Nothing is wrong, really. You’re just suddenly realizing you don’t know her as well as you thought you did.”

“Well I do, I just. . .” I sigh, gesture. “We’ve spent hours talking– things are amazing! We click like I’ve never clicked with anyone before.”

“Then what are you afraid of?” She asks.

“What if she’s hiding something?” The table is an endless sea of doubt. “What if she isn’t as perfect as she seems to be?”

“Then she isn’t.” She shakes her head. “Look, no one is perfect.” She shifts to face me fully, eyes piercing mine to the quick. “What’s the absolute worst thing that she might be hiding? Give me the worst scenario.”

“I. . .” I hesitate, unable to speak.

“Disease? Debt? A felony or something like that in her past?” She pushes it. “You think maybe she’s a man?”

“She’s not a man.” I swallow, shake my head. “And there’s no way she has any kind of disease or a criminal record.” I take a breath, feel eternity stretch into the pause. “If there’s debt. . . I don’t care.”

“Then what do you have to be afraid of?”

“What if she’s. . . y’know. . . cut.” I gesture. “What if things get serious and we can’t have a family?”

“Will that change the way you feel about her?” She asks me pointedly.

“No.” I shake my head.

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about, do you?”

I open my mouth, but before I can speak, she smiles softly, picks up her tea and leaves.


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Walter K. Richards believes in sin, but only enough to get himself into trouble.